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Showing posts with label lucky girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lucky girl. Show all posts
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Redirect: Another country, not my own
Here's a link to an article for the Boston Globe written by Mei-Ling Hopgood on parents' embrace of the "home" culture of their international adoptees. If you read the article, I'd love for you to share your thoughts in the comments of this post.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Lucky Girl Redirect: "Has Your Family Read It?"
Mei-Ling Hopgood, author of the memoir "Lucky Girl," was a guest blogger this week at Devourer of Books. She writes about her birth family's response to her book. Very interesting. Not the response I'd expect. What do you think?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Lucky Girl - answers to questions readers asked
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog hosted a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
Author Mei-Ling Hopgood graciously answered questions that you asked stemming from our book discussion. Here's what she has to say. Thank you again, Mei-Ling, for sharing so much with us. Your questions are listed below in bold with the author's answers in italics.
I'd be interested in knowing what Hopgood believes the role of adoptive parents should be in helping children reunite with their original families. It will probably be many years before the ones who were adopted as babies express a desire to search for them, if they do. Until then, what would she recommend APs do to keep the communication channels active so that a reunion might happen? In our case, we've sent several letters to our child's Taiwanese family with the hopes of keeping lines open. However, we've never received any responses. At the same time, we want to respect their privacy and possible need to distance themselves from any pain resulting from the adoption. We don't want to be pushy, but we don't want the trail to go cold from time and distance. Any thoughts?
Over time, my parents collected what information they could about my birth family, keeping documents and the precious letters that the nun who arranged my adoption from Taiwan sent me. They gave those to me when I asked for more information. They let me set the pace of what I wanted to know. I really appreciated that, especially later in life and when I was writing the book. I didn't ask much before adulthood, because I didn't have any interest. That said, I don’t think you can really force the issue with the birth family or your child. You can do as much as you can do, and I think your child will understand that. (Another note: it is not a given that your child will want reunion.)
How does your Taiwanese family feel about the publicity surrounding your book now that it's been released? Has being public with your life story changed any relationships? Feel free not to answer this question if it is too personal. Of course we'll understand. We're grateful you've shared so much already.
Actually I wrote an essay on this that will be published in devourerofbooks.com in a couple weeks. They are pretty isolated from the publicity of the book in Taiwan. They've "read" it (as much as they can with their limited English), seen postings on the web, etc. They've reacted with congratulations, but despite my best efforts (sending the manuscript over and over in email and hard copy) their understanding of my book is limited and probably always will be (unless it is bought and translated in Chinese). So far the book has not changed any relationships that I can tell.
Adoptees react to their adoptions in such varying ways. In your opinion, what makes the difference between an adoptee who is at peace with his/her adoption and one who is resentful of it?
Each adoptee is so different in this respect. I think it is important to recognize that some are not going to want anything to do with their birth family or "homeland" and others are. The relationship with the adoptive family plays an important role, I think, but so does the adoptee's personality, perspective, circumstances, confidence, experience in America. All views are legitimate. In my personal situation (and that of my brothers who could not find information about their birth family) I think the most important thing is that my American parents were supportive of whatever path we took, whether we wanted to know more about our birth families or cultures or not.
Do you get any feedback, positive or negative, from other adult international adoptees for your outlook on your adoption experience and/or sharing your life so publicly?
I have gotten good reaction. One of the important points I think I've tried to make is that my perspective is my own. I don't pretend that anyone else will feel the same. I didn't write this book to make any big pronouncements about adoption or reunions with birth families, even though I know both of those events were major turning points in my life.
Do you have any advice for adoptive parents, such as something your parents encouraged you to do while you were growing up?
My parents were just supportive and loving. We are not a perfect family all the time – we had our quibbles like any other – but when it came down to it, my mom and dad helped us be the people we wanted to be.
Like I said, I didn't write Lucky Girl to make any pronouncements about adoption or reunions… but I can touch on one little point that comes up a lot during my talks.
One parent in a reading asked me, given my experience and frustration with not being able to communicate with my family in Taiwan, if I wished I had not refused Mandarin school (which I did). Sure, I wish I spoke more Mandarin/Taiwanese. But honestly, a once-a-week class would not have prepared me for my experience. I did what I could to learn the Chinese I could and dealt with it. I'm still glad I studied Spanish and lived in Mexico during college. I'm glad my parents encouraged me to have a global, diverse view, that included China-Taiwan but was not limited to it.
It is wonderful that families are concerned about exposing their children to language, culture etc. and I understand the desire to know as much as possible about the birth family in case one day a child asks. All that is good. My parents tried to do what they can in this respect (detailed in LG), including encouraging language lessons or my brother to study in Korea etc. However, I think some people feel extreme pressure to manufacture a Chinese culture for their daughters and sons. The truth of the matter is that – especially if the child was young when he or she was adopted – the most important culture is the one in your house, neighborhood, your family's way of living – your family's culture. Their experience will be that of an Asian (or other race) American not of a child growing up in China. It's wonderful and important to help your children have a sense of history and identity, and language, etc. but don't overly stress when your kid says they want to quit Mandarin class for now. Because ultimately, they are American kids, your kids. In my humble opinion, it's most important that the child feels loved, grounded in your family and the place where they are living and growing up. Then, they really can handle any issues and questions that might come their way later.
In the promotional video for your book, you describe yourself as "just another one of the endless, unwanted baby girls born to and discarded by poor Chinese families." While being poor and female are big reasons for why many children in China are given up for adoption, the reasons are often different for Taiwanese adoptions (i.e, imprisoned parents, substance abuse, teenaged pregnancies, mental illness, etc.) In light of your statement and of Taiwan's (partial) push for independence from China, your statement makes me curious: do you view yourself as Chinese or Taiwanese?
Both, but I try to be as precise on this as possible as not to enter into the Chinese-Taiwan debate (because that isn't what my story is about.) My family is Chinese, originally from Fujin, and immigrated to Kinmen. They moved to Taiwan before I was born. The Chinese culture and traditional way of thinking influenced quite a bit my adoption, but my sisters would say they are from Taiwan.
Author Mei-Ling Hopgood graciously answered questions that you asked stemming from our book discussion. Here's what she has to say. Thank you again, Mei-Ling, for sharing so much with us. Your questions are listed below in bold with the author's answers in italics.
I'd be interested in knowing what Hopgood believes the role of adoptive parents should be in helping children reunite with their original families. It will probably be many years before the ones who were adopted as babies express a desire to search for them, if they do. Until then, what would she recommend APs do to keep the communication channels active so that a reunion might happen? In our case, we've sent several letters to our child's Taiwanese family with the hopes of keeping lines open. However, we've never received any responses. At the same time, we want to respect their privacy and possible need to distance themselves from any pain resulting from the adoption. We don't want to be pushy, but we don't want the trail to go cold from time and distance. Any thoughts?
Over time, my parents collected what information they could about my birth family, keeping documents and the precious letters that the nun who arranged my adoption from Taiwan sent me. They gave those to me when I asked for more information. They let me set the pace of what I wanted to know. I really appreciated that, especially later in life and when I was writing the book. I didn't ask much before adulthood, because I didn't have any interest. That said, I don’t think you can really force the issue with the birth family or your child. You can do as much as you can do, and I think your child will understand that. (Another note: it is not a given that your child will want reunion.)
How does your Taiwanese family feel about the publicity surrounding your book now that it's been released? Has being public with your life story changed any relationships? Feel free not to answer this question if it is too personal. Of course we'll understand. We're grateful you've shared so much already.
Actually I wrote an essay on this that will be published in devourerofbooks.com in a couple weeks. They are pretty isolated from the publicity of the book in Taiwan. They've "read" it (as much as they can with their limited English), seen postings on the web, etc. They've reacted with congratulations, but despite my best efforts (sending the manuscript over and over in email and hard copy) their understanding of my book is limited and probably always will be (unless it is bought and translated in Chinese). So far the book has not changed any relationships that I can tell.
Adoptees react to their adoptions in such varying ways. In your opinion, what makes the difference between an adoptee who is at peace with his/her adoption and one who is resentful of it?
Each adoptee is so different in this respect. I think it is important to recognize that some are not going to want anything to do with their birth family or "homeland" and others are. The relationship with the adoptive family plays an important role, I think, but so does the adoptee's personality, perspective, circumstances, confidence, experience in America. All views are legitimate. In my personal situation (and that of my brothers who could not find information about their birth family) I think the most important thing is that my American parents were supportive of whatever path we took, whether we wanted to know more about our birth families or cultures or not.
Do you get any feedback, positive or negative, from other adult international adoptees for your outlook on your adoption experience and/or sharing your life so publicly?
I have gotten good reaction. One of the important points I think I've tried to make is that my perspective is my own. I don't pretend that anyone else will feel the same. I didn't write this book to make any big pronouncements about adoption or reunions with birth families, even though I know both of those events were major turning points in my life.
Do you have any advice for adoptive parents, such as something your parents encouraged you to do while you were growing up?
My parents were just supportive and loving. We are not a perfect family all the time – we had our quibbles like any other – but when it came down to it, my mom and dad helped us be the people we wanted to be.
Like I said, I didn't write Lucky Girl to make any pronouncements about adoption or reunions… but I can touch on one little point that comes up a lot during my talks.
One parent in a reading asked me, given my experience and frustration with not being able to communicate with my family in Taiwan, if I wished I had not refused Mandarin school (which I did). Sure, I wish I spoke more Mandarin/Taiwanese. But honestly, a once-a-week class would not have prepared me for my experience. I did what I could to learn the Chinese I could and dealt with it. I'm still glad I studied Spanish and lived in Mexico during college. I'm glad my parents encouraged me to have a global, diverse view, that included China-Taiwan but was not limited to it.
It is wonderful that families are concerned about exposing their children to language, culture etc. and I understand the desire to know as much as possible about the birth family in case one day a child asks. All that is good. My parents tried to do what they can in this respect (detailed in LG), including encouraging language lessons or my brother to study in Korea etc. However, I think some people feel extreme pressure to manufacture a Chinese culture for their daughters and sons. The truth of the matter is that – especially if the child was young when he or she was adopted – the most important culture is the one in your house, neighborhood, your family's way of living – your family's culture. Their experience will be that of an Asian (or other race) American not of a child growing up in China. It's wonderful and important to help your children have a sense of history and identity, and language, etc. but don't overly stress when your kid says they want to quit Mandarin class for now. Because ultimately, they are American kids, your kids. In my humble opinion, it's most important that the child feels loved, grounded in your family and the place where they are living and growing up. Then, they really can handle any issues and questions that might come their way later.
In the promotional video for your book, you describe yourself as "just another one of the endless, unwanted baby girls born to and discarded by poor Chinese families." While being poor and female are big reasons for why many children in China are given up for adoption, the reasons are often different for Taiwanese adoptions (i.e, imprisoned parents, substance abuse, teenaged pregnancies, mental illness, etc.) In light of your statement and of Taiwan's (partial) push for independence from China, your statement makes me curious: do you view yourself as Chinese or Taiwanese?
Both, but I try to be as precise on this as possible as not to enter into the Chinese-Taiwan debate (because that isn't what my story is about.) My family is Chinese, originally from Fujin, and immigrated to Kinmen. They moved to Taiwan before I was born. The Chinese culture and traditional way of thinking influenced quite a bit my adoption, but my sisters would say they are from Taiwan.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Lucky Girl: Identity Crisis
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
In Lucky Girl, Mei-Ling details the difficulties she experienced growing up as one of the few Asian-Americans in her Michigan community. She describes being the target of racism, her own feelings of incongruity, and her routine attempts to submerge indications of her Asian identity.
She writes, "I wanted to be anything but Asian. I used to curse being different in my journals and in my dreams at night. I overcompensated and went out of my way to prove how American I was, making sure people heard me speak my perfect English. I was Little Miss Everything in high school, class president for three years, captain of the pom-pom team, and a member of almost every club that existed. I excelled at a lot of things: school, socializing, public speaking, organizing. I had a healthy life and lots of friends. Yet I was a tormented hypocrite."
Mei-Ling's struggle is a common one among Asian-American youth. Is it idealistic to think this conflict is avoidable? What additional challenges might being adopted add to a child's potential struggle for "cultural comfort?" Finally, how can parents of children adopted from Asia help their kids navigate the difficulty of coming to terms with their cultural identity?
In Lucky Girl, Mei-Ling details the difficulties she experienced growing up as one of the few Asian-Americans in her Michigan community. She describes being the target of racism, her own feelings of incongruity, and her routine attempts to submerge indications of her Asian identity.
She writes, "I wanted to be anything but Asian. I used to curse being different in my journals and in my dreams at night. I overcompensated and went out of my way to prove how American I was, making sure people heard me speak my perfect English. I was Little Miss Everything in high school, class president for three years, captain of the pom-pom team, and a member of almost every club that existed. I excelled at a lot of things: school, socializing, public speaking, organizing. I had a healthy life and lots of friends. Yet I was a tormented hypocrite."
Mei-Ling's struggle is a common one among Asian-American youth. Is it idealistic to think this conflict is avoidable? What additional challenges might being adopted add to a child's potential struggle for "cultural comfort?" Finally, how can parents of children adopted from Asia help their kids navigate the difficulty of coming to terms with their cultural identity?
Friday, May 29, 2009
Lucky Girl - NPR interview
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
HERE IS A LINK to a KCUR Kansas City NPR interview that you can download and listen to where author Mei-Ling Hopgood talks about reuniting with her birth family in Taiwan. Great questions. Insightful answers.
HERE IS A LINK to a KCUR Kansas City NPR interview that you can download and listen to where author Mei-Ling Hopgood talks about reuniting with her birth family in Taiwan. Great questions. Insightful answers.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Lucky Girl - Language
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
The more Mei-Ling gets to know her Taiwanese family, the more she feels the constraints of her inability to communicate with them in Mandarin. As the years pass, she makes efforts to learn the language but is never fully able to bridge the gap.
If you are an adoptive parent of an internationally born child, what do you believe your role should be in helping your child learn the language of his/her birth culture?
The more Mei-Ling gets to know her Taiwanese family, the more she feels the constraints of her inability to communicate with them in Mandarin. As the years pass, she makes efforts to learn the language but is never fully able to bridge the gap.
If you are an adoptive parent of an internationally born child, what do you believe your role should be in helping your child learn the language of his/her birth culture?
Lucky Girl - Q&A with the author
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
Author Mei-Ling Hopgood has volunteered to answer questions that you have. Please submit your questions as comments on this post before Sunday, June 7th. I'll collect your questions and submit them to her. I'm looking forward to reading your questions and hearing what she has to say. Feel free to leave comments with any messages that you'd like me to deliver to the author as well.
Author Mei-Ling Hopgood has volunteered to answer questions that you have. Please submit your questions as comments on this post before Sunday, June 7th. I'll collect your questions and submit them to her. I'm looking forward to reading your questions and hearing what she has to say. Feel free to leave comments with any messages that you'd like me to deliver to the author as well.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Lucky Girl - secrets
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
In "Lucky Girl," Mei-Ling thought that the reason that she was released for adoption was because of poverty. After meeting her birthfamily in Taiwan, she learns that she and another sister were released for adoption because of their female gender. Her parents continued to try to conceive a son after their adoptions AND adopted a boy in order to have a son.
When adopting a child, families are usually provided with a social history of the birthfamily in order to understand what circumstances led to the child being released for adoption. How did reading about the secrets surrounding Mei-Ling's adoption make you feel? If you are an adoptive parent, did it cause you to question the information you were given surrounding your child's adoption?
Please feel free to comment anonymously to protect your family's privacy.
In "Lucky Girl," Mei-Ling thought that the reason that she was released for adoption was because of poverty. After meeting her birthfamily in Taiwan, she learns that she and another sister were released for adoption because of their female gender. Her parents continued to try to conceive a son after their adoptions AND adopted a boy in order to have a son.
When adopting a child, families are usually provided with a social history of the birthfamily in order to understand what circumstances led to the child being released for adoption. How did reading about the secrets surrounding Mei-Ling's adoption make you feel? If you are an adoptive parent, did it cause you to question the information you were given surrounding your child's adoption?
Please feel free to comment anonymously to protect your family's privacy.
Lucky Girl - extremist views
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
In "Lucky Girl," Mei-Ling's father (Ba) has some extremist viewpoints on gender and children born with special needs. [Mei-ling's birthparents left their infant son born with a cleft lip alone in a room to die, released two daughters for adoption, adopted a son themselves.] How did you feel while reading these? Although viewed as extremist to us, do you think they are held by many modern day Taiwanese? Do you worry that people who casually read the book will think that many Taiwanese think the same way?
In "Lucky Girl," Mei-Ling's father (Ba) has some extremist viewpoints on gender and children born with special needs. [Mei-ling's birthparents left their infant son born with a cleft lip alone in a room to die, released two daughters for adoption, adopted a son themselves.] How did you feel while reading these? Although viewed as extremist to us, do you think they are held by many modern day Taiwanese? Do you worry that people who casually read the book will think that many Taiwanese think the same way?
Lucky Girl - solo travel
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
Mei-Ling didn’t want her parents to come to Taiwan when she was meeting and getting to know her birth family. Was this a good choice and why? As an adoptive parent, how do you think you would you feel about your college-aged child leaving to visit their birth country and choosing to go without you?
Mei-Ling didn’t want her parents to come to Taiwan when she was meeting and getting to know her birth family. Was this a good choice and why? As an adoptive parent, how do you think you would you feel about your college-aged child leaving to visit their birth country and choosing to go without you?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Lucky Girl - discussion topic requests
Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
I've been looking forward to hosting this discussion for a whole month. Thanks so much to my Taiwanese adoption friends that messaged me that they've read the book and are interested in what others thought of the memoir. Because of the sensitive nature of some of the subjects, you have the option to post anonymously if you have something that you want to say but don't want it linked back to your blog. If you post anonymously, consider using a pseudonym so we can keep anonymous posters separate.
This post serves as a suggestion box. Feel free to leave suggestions here about what topics you'd like to discuss.
I've been looking forward to hosting this discussion for a whole month. Thanks so much to my Taiwanese adoption friends that messaged me that they've read the book and are interested in what others thought of the memoir. Because of the sensitive nature of some of the subjects, you have the option to post anonymously if you have something that you want to say but don't want it linked back to your blog. If you post anonymously, consider using a pseudonym so we can keep anonymous posters separate.
This post serves as a suggestion box. Feel free to leave suggestions here about what topics you'd like to discuss.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Lucky Girl update
I e-mailed Mei-Ling Hopgood to let her know how much I enjoyed her book, and she wrote me back!
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for your nice email. I'm glad you liked the book. Your daughter is simply gorgeous. It's wonderful that you are thinking of Mandarin classes, but I think you are already giving your daughter the most important thing right now: the love of an amazing parent. I saw the shoutout you gave Lucky girl in your blog and I really appreciate it. If you'd like a Q&A from me, after your discussion or whenever, I'd be happy to help. Also there is a reader's guide on my website, www.mei-linghopgood.com under the Lucky Girl tab.
Thanks again for reading and for taking the time to be in touch!!
Mei-Ling
Here's a direct link to the reader's guide.
Kevin finished the book last night and we've had some interesting discussions around the house these last few days.
So, if you're interested in the book... now you have an even better reason to read it now that the author has volunteered to do a little Q&A with us.
P.S. Hannah eats donuts now. Bites right into them with her 3.5 teeth!
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for your nice email. I'm glad you liked the book. Your daughter is simply gorgeous. It's wonderful that you are thinking of Mandarin classes, but I think you are already giving your daughter the most important thing right now: the love of an amazing parent. I saw the shoutout you gave Lucky girl in your blog and I really appreciate it. If you'd like a Q&A from me, after your discussion or whenever, I'd be happy to help. Also there is a reader's guide on my website, www.mei-linghopgood.com under the Lucky Girl tab.
Thanks again for reading and for taking the time to be in touch!!
Mei-Ling
Here's a direct link to the reader's guide.
Kevin finished the book last night and we've had some interesting discussions around the house these last few days.
So, if you're interested in the book... now you have an even better reason to read it now that the author has volunteered to do a little Q&A with us.
P.S. Hannah eats donuts now. Bites right into them with her 3.5 teeth!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Lucky Girl - book discussion challenge
Have you ever read a book and felt like you were reading a story about your life? I read memoir this weekend that felt like I was reading something that Hannah and several other Taiwan adoptees could write about their lives 20-30 years from now. The book I'm talking about is called Lucky Girl by Mei-Ling Hopgood.
I'd like to challenge my Taiwan adoption friends to order the book, read it, and we'll have a discussion about it here the week after Memorial Day. That should give you plenty of time to buy or borrow it, read it (only 244 pages), and be ready to tell others what you think. Let me preface all of this by telling you that I don't read a lot, and I've never been a part of a book club, so I'm not sure what I'm doing organizing something like this.
Why was this book important to me? Several reasons. It gave me affirmation that an international adoptee can have connections with two sets of families in two very different cultures and be a happy well-adjusted person. It solidified my belief that we should be providing our child with all of the Mandarin language opportunities available to us so that she is able to keep connected to birth family and Taiwanese culture if she chooses to.
Below is a trailer for the book. If you're getting the book and would like to participate, leave me a comment at the bottom of this post so I know who's in. Kevin has already started reading it as well. HERE is a link to buy the book from Amazon. Thanks!
I'd like to challenge my Taiwan adoption friends to order the book, read it, and we'll have a discussion about it here the week after Memorial Day. That should give you plenty of time to buy or borrow it, read it (only 244 pages), and be ready to tell others what you think. Let me preface all of this by telling you that I don't read a lot, and I've never been a part of a book club, so I'm not sure what I'm doing organizing something like this.
Why was this book important to me? Several reasons. It gave me affirmation that an international adoptee can have connections with two sets of families in two very different cultures and be a happy well-adjusted person. It solidified my belief that we should be providing our child with all of the Mandarin language opportunities available to us so that she is able to keep connected to birth family and Taiwanese culture if she chooses to.
Below is a trailer for the book. If you're getting the book and would like to participate, leave me a comment at the bottom of this post so I know who's in. Kevin has already started reading it as well. HERE is a link to buy the book from Amazon. Thanks!
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