Tuesday, May 26th - Sunday, June 7th this blog is hosting a book discussion surrounding Taiwanese-American adoptee Mei-Ling Hopgood's memoir "Lucky Girl."
Mei-Ling didn’t want her parents to come to Taiwan when she was meeting and getting to know her birth family. Was this a good choice and why? As an adoptive parent, how do you think you would you feel about your college-aged child leaving to visit their birth country and choosing to go without you?
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Obviously, this is a long way off for us as our daughter is just a year old, but I think that collage age would be a perfect age for someone to explore their original country on their own. I think that a solo trip would be a much better idea then a family trip with adoptive parents tagging along. I would think that a solo trip would allow a person to form their own experiences, memories, and opinions. Having adoptive parents along for the trip could change an adoptee's perceptions about the people he/she meets.
ReplyDeleteJust me... when I travel with a group I worry about making sure that everyone is having a good time. I wouldn't want to worry about my adoptive parents' wants/needs/perceptions during such a important first experience.
I'm so glad that Mei-Ling's parents were so supportive of her during her experience of meeting her birth family. I'd imagine that this has to be a very defining moment of one's life. I'd hate to think about how it would feel to have adoptive parents that weren't supportive of a trip like this.
I think that the support of Mei-Ling's adoptive parents sets the tone for her to feel comfortable having two families, and feeling comfortable being a part of each of them.
Good question. I agree with Sarah; this trip is not about me as the adoptive parent. It's about my child and what he needs to solidify his identity by meeting his biological family. If he chooses to invite me along, great. However, I would like to think that if/when the day comes when he makes that trip, I won't take offense if he wants to journey solo. I know I will always be his mother and that the possible re-entry of his other mother/family into his life won't change that. I fear that my presence on the trip might make his feel inhibited, like he has to emotionally compensate for me on some level. The experience in itself has got to be nerve-wracking enough.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both - I'm sure I would have mixed emotions about my children travelling on their own, but I feel that it would have to be done the way they choose. They would be going through so many emotions themselves, I would not want them to worry about what I am thinking or feeling. I would like for them to travel with someone - a sister, brother, friend or significant other - so they had some one to talk to in order to help them process the emotions and experiences.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all the previous posts. Since Mei-Ling was already working and living on her own, it makes sense that she would want to make this journey on her own. I do like that she took Sister Maureen along with her, as a support. I think that her adoptive parents were wise to suggest this. And I also like that once Mei-Ling was somewhat comfortable with her birth family, she invited them to all meet in Taiwan a year or two later.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what everyone has said above about allowing your child to decide what is right for them. I also think that if you have the financial means...to bring your children to Taiwan before they are college age. Making a trip around the world, to a new country, a new language AND meeting your birth family can be a lot of big hurdles all for one trip. If you can get your child associated with at least the flight, the country, the language, the food BEFORE the big trip to meet their family...I think you can make it that much easier for your child when they do make that trip alone. Understanding not everyone has the financial means to do this...but if you do or can save up the money to do it...I think it would make a big difference.
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