For the most part, I have very little guilt about being a working mom with my husband at home with our child. From the get-go with our relationship, Kevin and I knew that I would never be a stay at home mom. And that was always totally fine with me.
In college and for the first several years of our marriage, I didn't think I wanted to have children. (Insert your gasp here.) Actually, I was pretty sure I didn't. Now that's not something you planned on reading here, did you? I wasn't keen on the idea the idea of having children until Kevin and I had a dog together. That most likely sounds crazy to most people, especially those of you who are cat people and not dog people. Whatever. That's how it happened. Insert Sedona the babydog into our lives, and I got it.
Anyway, back to the guilt thing. This did me in today. Open front door. Feet are in major pain today after standing 10 hours straight and all I want to do is sit down. She sees me. She squeals with delight. Here she comes. Step. Step. Step step step step step step step step as she picks up speed and attempts to run to me with her hands stretched up wide. I pick her up. She pats my chest and exclaims, "Mama!"
I'm so tired. She wants to play but I need to have late dinner and sit down. We have dinner. I try to read "A Mother for Choco" to her but she's rubbing her eyes. Time for bed. I change her diaper, make a night time bottle, jammie her up, attempt brushing Hannah's seven teeth through her tightly clamped lips, and put away some of her laundry while she settles down for the night.
I wish I had more time with you today, sweetheart. We'll have tomorrow together.
Honestly, the guilt? Its part of the Mama job description, truly it wouldn't matter if you stayed home because there is a whole lot of different guilt that comes with that, stay home, work, whichever there is a whole boat load of Mama guilt to go round!
ReplyDeleteHugs! We had a night like that too last night. Hsin slept only 40 minutes at nap time at school and so she was tired and crying through dinner. We knew she had to go to bed early but that meant no play time with her between school, work and bedtime. We'll just have to make up for it another day.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it can be tough being a working parent. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteGuilt of a different kind resides in the heart of a mom who stays home. The point is that we all want to be our best for our kids- AND we want them to have the best/ be *their* best. I have been with my kids nearly ever day of their lives and I still feel like it goes too quickly, or that I've missed some of it (which isn't really true). And there are days when I'm too tired to be "fun mom", or days when I lose my patience. That's just real life.
ReplyDelete(I never "loved" kids until I had my own! Now look at me- mommy of four!!! Ha!)
Oh yes. It's real that guilt. Wish I could say it will get better. It just gets different according to those who have "gone before us." Her hair is getting so long... she looks so different. I guess I'm needing a little HC fix.
ReplyDeleteAw. So sweet. She Loves her Mommy and you shouldn't feel guilty. Its always hard juggling your time whether you work or have other obligations. I think its so great that Kevin stays home with her. She has consistency in her life and thats what matters. Make sure to take time for yourself girly! It's important.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Holli
PS: Breelyn hates her teeth being brushed and does the same thing!
PSS: We thought we were going to just be Doggy Parents too! Now we have 2 real kids and 3 doggy kids.
Funny how such a tiny being can melt your heart and turn everything in your mind to mush... Feel the guilt Sarah, cause it's really the love you have for your baby girl that's spillin out all over the place.
ReplyDeleteMy eyes filled up with tears while reading your post, because through some of the conversations we've shared, emails & posts, I've watched you fall deeper in love with Hannah and I wondered when this might hit you. Please be easy on yourself... The time that you make and spend with Hannah is considerable and you are a wonderful Mommy/parent.
The others are right, as we each harbor our different kinds of guilt. Mine stems from the lack of "one on one" that I don't seem to get enough of with each of my children. I don't think that guilt is a bad thing. It can actually make us better parents in the long run. When it hits home here, I find it helpful to snuggle in for an extra few, even if they've already drifted off to sleep. I'm still able to breathe in their smells from each of their tiny little necks and whisper all my promises and failed attempts for this or that...Sometimes I think my kids enjoy nodding off to sleep and listening to me rattle on, and I usually wind up feeling a tad bit more connected to them...
Trust me, you'll find what works for you!
She knows you love her Sarah...It's probably hard to realize this right now because you're feeling a little down, but the times that you and Hannah do spend together are probably more quality times, than if you were home with her all day everyday. Sometimes trying to fit in really good quality time is harder to do when you are the one who stays home full time.
Please don't beat yourself up. I have a feeling that Hannah has the best of both worlds right now and wouldn't change a thing because you and Kevin are both wonderful parents! ( even if daddy throws her up in the air a little higher than I think he should! hee hee hee)
Oh Sister! It happens to all Mama's- Working and Stay-at-home.
ReplyDeleteI actually had one of mine say"when are you gonna be fun and play again like you use to?"
Do your best to make the weekends great. Gives you both"Mama Time " to look forward to.
As a working mama, I too have had my share of "guilt" moments. Cherish the time you do share together. You are the mama that you are, in part because of what you do when you're not with Hannah. Beautiful photo of Mama and daughter! She certainly doesn't look "un"-happy - so ENJOY HER and your work life balance!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. Guilt seems to be built into motherhood. I was a working mom when my son was growing up. Then I stopped working when we adopted our two daughters. But there's always something to feel guilty about. I don't see that changing any time soon!
ReplyDeleteHannah is lucky to have so much of Daddy's time and attention!
Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!