Friday, February 10, 2012

good read: It okay to ask if someone's kids are adopted?

Linking to a good read at Rage Against the Minivan titled "It okay to ask if someone's kids are adopted?"

My answer to this question: It is okay to ask, but don't ask in front of my child/children because I don't want my child/children to feel as though they are being singled out for looking different than I do. Depending on how you ask and why I presume you are asking, I may answer you in the following ways:
  • "We are an an adoptive family." I'll answer your questions, but I'm not going to allow you to single out my child for looking different than I do. We come as a package deal. We're a family.
  • "Why do you ask?" I'm feeling protective of our family's information and want to feel you out first before I talk to you. I want to figure out if you're an adoptive family as well, if you're just nosey, or if you are genuinely interested in adoption.
  • If you ask in a disrespectful way, I might say this. "I've always thought it was rude to ask strangers personal questions." I've never had to use this one, but I've got it on the back burner, just in case.
  • If it's obvious that you are likely a member of an adoptive family as well, I'll just straight up tell you that we adopted our child/children from Taiwan when she/they were X months/years old. I can see why you're asking. I'm also more likely going to respond to Asian Americans with this answer, as I'm wanting to make connections with you and see what we have in common.


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